Episode: 395 - Are You Being Generous... or Feeling Guilty?

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Have you ever spent money you didn't actually want to spend... just because saying no felt uncomfortable?

Maybe you've covered the dinner bill, bought another fundraiser, loaned money you knew you probably wouldn't get back, or agreed to plans that weren't in your budget.

This episode isn't about becoming selfish. It's about learning the difference between generosity and guilt.

If people pleasing is quietly costing you your financial goals, this conversation may completely change how you think about money.

Transcript

When Kindness Gets Expensive

Amber 0:00

Have you ever spent money you didn't actually want to spend? Not because you needed to, and not because it was in your budget, but because you felt guilty for saying no. Maybe you covered the dinner bill, bought another fundraiser from work, lent money to someone who still hasn't paid you back, or agreed to a weekend away that you knew you couldn't really afford. Here's the thing being kind is a wonderful quality. But if being nice is constantly costing you your financial goals, it might be time to ask yourself a really uncomfortable question. Are you being generous? Or are you people pleasing?

Announcer 0:45

You're listening to the Debt Free Dad podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experience the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks, and practical advice to gain financial freedom.

Generosity Versus People Pleasing

Amber 1:11

Hi, I'm Amber, today's host for the Debt Free Dad Podcast, where we help normal, everyday people like you take control of your finances so that you can live a happier, less stressful life. Now, my husband and I saved and paid off over $54,000 in just 20 months and have been living debt-free outside of our mortgage since 2018. And after listening to today's episode, if you're ready to take control of your finances, stop living paycheck to paycheck, reduce financial stress, build your savings, and finally pay off debt for good, but you're not quite sure where to start. We've got an incredible free resource for you, and I'll be sharing that later on in today's episode. So this isn't about being selfish. I want to be really clear about that before we get started. I'm not saying you should stop helping people. Generosity is a wonderful thing. And I love buying gifts for people or treating my friends to coffee. I love helping family when I can, but that's not the problem. The problem is when your generosity starts coming from guilt instead of choice. There's a huge difference between saying, I'd love to, and I guess I have to. If you've ever felt that knot in your stomach when somebody asks you for money or invites you somewhere expensive, you probably know exactly what I'm talking

The Sneaky Money Yeses

Amber 2:34

about. Here are some sneaky ways that it shows up. Most of us don't even think of ourselves as people pleasers with money. But think about how often this happens. You split the dinner bill evenly, even though you ordered the cheapest thing on the menu. This reminds me of an episode of Friends where Joey and Phoebe, they were like, we don't make as much money as these guys. Like these guys make money, they always want to celebrate, they always want to go to the fanciest places. They were there first, they ate a bunch of bread, and then they bought like the cheapest thing on the menu. Not even a full meal, like a little side something. And then when it came to paying the bill, like they were still hungry, but when it came to paying the bill, they split it all evenly and they had to bring up that difficult conversation. Or you buy something from every fundraiser that comes through work because saying no just feels kind of awkward. You say yes to another birthday gift, wedding shower, baby shower, retirement collection, or office potlock because everyone else is. You lend money hoping you'll get it back. You volunteer to pay because you don't want people thinking that you're cheap. None of those things feel like a huge deal by themselves, but together they slowly eat away at your budget.

The Emotional Price Of Saying Yes

Amber 3:58

So why do we do it? The truth is, this usually isn't about money, it's about emotions. We don't want conflict, we don't want people to think that we're selfish. We don't want to disappoint anyone. But every time you say yes to someone else, oftentimes you're saying no to yourself, no to paying off debt, no to building that emergency fund, no to reducing stress, no to creating the future that you've been working so dang hard for. Now, what is the real cost of all of this? Let's say you lend someone $300. Maybe you never get it back. That's frustrating. But what if that $300 meant you had to put your next car repair on a credit card? Or what if paying everyone's dinner means you're carrying the balance until your next payday? The real cost isn't just the money you spent, it's what the money could have done for your own goals.

Simple Scripts For Setting Boundaries

Amber 5:20

So it's incredibly important to set boundaries. That's one of the hardest lessons I've learned is that saying no doesn't make you a bad person. It means you're protecting your priorities. You don't owe everyone an explanation. Sometimes a simple thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to pass is enough. Or it's just not in my budget right now. Or maybe I don't lend money, but I'd be happy to help you figure out another solution. The first few times, it'll probably feel pretty uncomfortable, but it gets easier. And honestly, the people who truly care about you will respect your boundaries. So I've

A One Question Spending Challenge

Amber 6:06

got a challenge for you. This week, before you spend money on someone else, pause for a second. Ask yourself if guilt wasn't a part of this decision, would I still spend this money? If the answer is yes, amazing. Enjoy being generous. But if the answer is no, maybe it's time to choose yourself. So being kind doesn't mean saying yes to everything. And it doesn't mean sacrificing your financial future just to keep everyone else comfortable. Some of the kindest people I know struggle financially because they're always taking care of everyone else before they take care of themselves. Remember, a healthy budget isn't just about tracking your spending, it's about making sure your money reflects what matters most to you. And sometimes the best financial decision you can make is to simply say, no, not this time.

Free Newsletter And Final Takeaway

Amber 7:06

Now, as I mentioned at the beginning of today's episode, if you're ready to stop living paycheck to paycheck, lower your stress, build savings, and finally crush your debt for good, you're in the right place. Every Sunday, we send out a weekly newsletter, Simplify My Money. It's packed with practical tips, encouragement, and simple strategies to help you make smarter money decisions without feeling overwhelmed. The best part, it's completely free. Head on over to the link at the top of the show notes and sign up today. Thanks a lot, and we will see you on the next episode.

Announcer 7:46

Thanks for listening to the Debt Free Dad podcast. Connect with us on Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram. Just search Debt Free Dad. If you found value in today's episode, please leave us a rating and review. We so appreciate it. For resources, show notes, and links mentioned in today's show, visit debtfreedad.com. Catch you next week.