374. The Dark Side of Retail Therapy

Subscribe to Simplify My Money

In this episode of the Debt Free Dad Podcast, host Amber explores the psychology behind emotional spending and how financial stress leads to impulsive buying habits. Drawing from real studies and personal experiences, she explains why people turn to shopping for temporary relief and offers actionable tips to break the cycle. Discover how understanding emotional triggers, delaying purchases, finding alternative feel-good activities, and implementing a simple money system can help you gain control over your finances. 

Sources 

Black, D. W. (2007). Compulsive buying disorder. CNS Drugs.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1805733/ 

Emotional difficulties & compulsive buying study (2024).
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11737423/ 

Coping styles & compulsive buying tendencies (2021).
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9669662/ 

Consumer indebtedness & psychological factors (2015).
https://arxiv.org/abs/1502.05911 

Recommendation agents & impulsive purchasing (2016).
https://arxiv.org/abs/1606.01349 

Psychology Today – Emotional Spending (2023).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/mental-wealth/202305/the-psychology-of-emotional-spending 

Why shopaholics overspend — San Francisco State University study summary (2013).
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/499300 

Homewood Health Centre — Money & Mood article.
https://homewoodhealthcentre.com/articles/money-and-mood/ 

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Stress Fuels Spending
• 1:22 Dopamine, Guilt, And The Crash
• 4:07 How Platforms Exploit Our Triggers
• 5:33 Four Steps To Break The Cycle
• 7:18 A Personal Shift From Stuff To Control
• 8:08 Resources, Community, And Next Steps

Transcript

Amber: 0:00

So, why is it that the more out of control life feels, especially with money, the more we want to buy stuff? Like bills are due, you're stressed, your card is crying, and somehow you're still in a checkout line convincing yourself you deserve that thing.

Announcer: 0:22

You're listening to the Debt Free Dad podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experience the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks, and practical advice to gain financial freedom.

Amber: 0:51

I'm Amber, today's host for the Debt Freedom Podcast. Myself and my husband paid off over $54,000 in just 20 months, and we have been living debt-free outside of our mortgage since 2018. Today I'm diving into something a lot of people deal with, but almost nobody talks about. It's not just I'm bad with money or I'm impulsive. There's actually psychology behind this, real studies, real data. And when you understand what's going on in your brain, you can finally break this cycle instead of living in it. Let's start with the obvious. When life feels chaotic, when money is tight, when you feel like you can't catch a break, you get stressed, you feel anxious, you feel powerless. And humans hate feeling powerless. Research shows, and I'm going to link all of this in the show notes, that when we're stressed or upset, our brain looks for fast relief, something quick, something easy, something that feels like control. And you know what offers all three? Buying something. A 2024 study using the iPace model actually shows that people who have a harder time regulating emotions, stress, sadness, frustration are more likely to use shopping as a coping mechanism. Not because they want the item, but because they want the relief. This is why a lot of people living paycheck to paycheck fall into this trap. It's not because they're irresponsible, it's because they're overwhelmed. And buying something creates this tiny pocket of, okay, that felt good. Life doesn't suck for the next five minutes. But then the bill comes. And now you've added more stress to the pile you were trying to escape from in the first place. With that purchase comes that little hint of happiness because it's real. Buying something releases dopamine, the same chemical behind excitement and motivation. The add-to-cart button is designed to make you feel good. But here's the kicker: it's temporary and very temporary at that. Psychology Today and Homewood Health both talk about how emotional spending gives people a little boost, but the crash is brutal. It's kind of like sugar. You feel guilt, regret, embarrassment. You tell yourself seriously, why did I think a $40 cup was going to fix my life? And that shame often leads to more spending. It becomes a cycle. Feel bad, buy something. Feel better for 10 minutes, feel worse, buy something again. And it digs the financial hole deeper and deeper every single time. Now, this blows people's minds. You'd think that people who are broke or living paycheck to paycheck would spend the least. But research shows the opposite can be true. When you feel out of control, when you feel behind, when you feel like everyone else is living this perfect Instagram life, you're even more likely to spend money you don't have. Because buying becomes hope. Buying becomes the escape. Buying becomes a moment where you feel like you're not struggling, even though you still are. There's a study on consumer indebtedness that talks about how a mix of stress, impulsivity, the way online shopping platforms are designed makes vulnerable people even more vulnerable. Especially with one-click checkout, pay later buttons, targeted ads. My gosh, you look something up for one second because you're curious, and the ads are relentless. Companies know what they're doing, they study this stuff too, just for the opposite reasons we're talking about. So let's discuss what to do instead. Because this podcast is about actually helping you move forward, not just pointing out problems. Number one, start paying attention to your emotional triggers. Next time you're reaching for your phone or adding something to your cart, ask yourself one question. Am I buying this because I need it? Or because I'm trying to change how I feel right now in this moment. That one question alone can stop so many impulse buys. Number two, delay the purchase. Try a 24-hour or heck, even a 48-hour rule for anything non-essential. If you still want it after two days, at least the decision wasn't emotional. Number three, find other ways to get that feel-good hit. A walk, a hobby, calling a friend, journaling, literally anything that doesn't cost money. And number four, get a simple money system in place, a budget, a spending plan, tracking purchases. You've heard us talk about it over and over again. Clarity creates control. And when you start to feel more in control, that urge to buy your happiness slowly fades. And I'll be honest, when my husband and I were deep in debt, we weren't going out and buying thousand-dollar things. It was the small treats, the $20 here, the $15 there, Amazon showing up at the door like a parade. It wasn't the items, it was the feeling. I was stressed. I felt behind. But I paid for that moment of okay for a very long time. Once I understood that I wasn't actually buying items, I was buying the feeling, everything changed. So if you take nothing else from this episode, take this. But you can build control, one choice at a time, one pause at a time, one not today at a time. If you want more help getting back into the driver's seat with your money, check out our free resources at debtfreedad.com. And as always, thanks for hanging out with me today. We will see you on the next episode.

Announcer: 8:27

Thanks for listening to the Debt Free Dad podcast. Connect with us on Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram. Just search Debt Free Dad. If you found value in today's episode, please leave us a rating and review. We so appreciate it. For resources, show notes, and links mentioned in today's show, visit debtfreedad.com. Catch you next week.